Relieving stress in the office

A series of stupid stunts

Andrew Zimmern. Enough said. (Possibly NSFW)

And a general round-up of stupid to last at least a week

Gaurab Chakrabarti is rational.

Can you say Moonwalk?

Presenting the illusion that the dancer is stepping forward whilst actually moving backward, the moonwalk originated in 1943 but wasn’t made famous for nearly forty years in 1983 when Jackson preformed his signature move on Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Forever. I am willing to bet that just about every person in the world, baring the few tribes that have somehow avoided modern man, infants, and possibly the Amish, have tried to moon walk!  Annie is OK, and Michael is Awesome!

ABC, easy as…123

Rolling Stone magazine described the young Michael as “a prodigy” with “overwhelming musical gifts”, noting that Michael “quickly emerged as the main draw and lead singer” after he began to dance and sing with his brothers. Though Michael sang with a “child’s piping voice, he danced like a grown-up hoofer and sang with the R&B/gospel inflections of Sam Cooke, James Brown, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder”.

She’s not my lover…

Billie Jean’ lyrics, written by Michael himself, refer to a real-life experience, in which the a mentally insane female fan claimed that Jackson fathered one of her twins. You gotta be pretty Awesome to have someone you’ve never met ACTUALLY BELIEVE you had sex with her!

Thriller: 60 million people can’t be wrong!

Where the red leather jacket become Awesome! Thriller has sold an estimated 110 million copies worldwide, with seven of the album’s nine songs released as singles, and all seven hitting the top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100. The album won a record-breaking eight Grammy Awards at the 1984 Grammys. Almost as Awesome as this, in 2007, the inmates of Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, a maximum security prison in Cebu, in the Cebu Province of the Philippines, imitated the zombie dance featured in the music video. That video was an instant hit, with 23 million views. MJ’s Thriller has 13 million more with 37 million views!

Front man for supergroup, USA for Africa

We Are The World was written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie with solos appearances by some of the Awesome-est singers ever including; like Stevie Wonder, Billy Joel, Diana Ross, Willie Nelson, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Ray Charles, and Cyndi Lauper. Hitting #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 on April 17, 1985, followed by #1 in the UK, and finally making the top spot in almost every country throughout the world. Awesome!

Don’t Stop

Don’t Stop ’til You Get Enough was Jackson’s first solo album away from Motown Records only took three months to hit the top of the charts and be certified gold! The music video was directed and produced by Nick Saxton featured a smiling Jackson floating over a background of disco lights and performing dance techniques while singing the song in a tuxedo. At one stage, Jackson is seen dancing in triplicate, which was considered innovative at the time.

Beat It

Even Weird Al’s spoof of this hit was gold! Well, Australian gold! According to Yankovic, in 1989 he presented his lyric which include: “Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. If it’s gettin’ cold, reheat it. Have a big dinner, have a light snack. If you don’t like it, you can’t send it back.  Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it.’ to Jackson for permission for the parody. Jackson allegedly thought it was amusing, and agreed to allow the parody. On October 19, 1989, the RIAA certified “Eat It” as a gold single. Awesome!

Bad

As I was putting this post together I was aiming at 10 Awesome Michaels. I asked my friends, searched google, wikipedia, youtube, and called my mom.  Those were the Top 8 Awesome ‘Michaels’ I came up with. I needed two more.

Until, I got 3! Captain EO Michael, Man in the Mirror Michael, and whoever is impersonating him on Sunset Blvd.

How Awesome are all of those? EO 3D was amazing, Man in the Mirror inspired millions and continues to today, and the creepy guy on Sunset Strip made a killing today! All 3 are pretty Awesome and had to make the list! Oh, and then there is always Michael and Magic. And of course, there’s always reason to marvel at MJ’s patent entitled “Method and means for creating anti-gravity illusion.”

Believe it or not, there was a time when Jerry Springer’s show was actually less about marital problems between cousins and somewhat of a legitimate forum for discussion.

Jerry probably deserves his own post, but for now, I have this little gem for you from the early 90s.  You probably know enough about Jerry Springer, but you may not know enough about a guest featured on this particular show, GG Allin.

GG Allin was one of most likely the world’s most vile, mentally unstable, angriest, and offensive musician to have walked the earth. Here are some choice snippets from his Wikipedia page. I would read it all because it’s ironically hilarious in that “holy crap, this person actually lived” sort of way and it’s good set-up for the video.

Kevin Michael “GG” Allin (August 29, 1956 – June 28, 1993) was an American punk rock singer-songwriter who performed and recorded with many punk-rock groups during his career.

Allin is best remembered for his notorious live performances that typically featured wildly transgressive acts such as Allin defecating and urinating onstage, rolling in feces and often consuming excrement, committing self-injury, performing naked, and committing violent actions toward the audience—often doing many of these things simultaneously.

His politically incorrect lyrics, which often covered subjects such as misogyny, pedophilia and racism, deeply divided opinions of him within the highly politicized punk community. Though he had a devoted cult following, Allin’s music has received mostly negative reviews from critics.

GG was born as Jesus Christ Allin at Weeks Memorial Hospital in Lancaster, New Hampshire. He was given this messianic name because his father, Merle Colby Allin, Sr., told his young wife, Arleta Gunther, that Jesus Christ Himself had visited him and told him that his newborn son would be a great and all powerful man in the vein of the Messiah.

As a young child, his older brother Merle Allin, Jr. was unable to pronounce “Jesus” properly and kept calling him “Jeje”, which became “GG”. The family lived in a log cabin with no water or electricity. Allin’s father, who forbade all conversation in the home after dark, was a religious fanatic and an antisocial man, and was allegedly violent towards his wife and children, though GG himself never used this as an excuse for any of his own eccentricities. At age 12, Allin had contracted Lyme disease and claimed to have never fully recovered from the effects of having the disease at such a young age.

GG was considered an outcast from junior high school onwards, being placed in special ed classes and having to repeat the third grade. He was known to rebel by showing up to school dressed in drag (his 10th grade school picture depicts him this way), which he said was inspired by the New York Dolls. When asked about his childhood, GG has been quoted as saying “Very chaotic. Full of chances and dangers. We sold drugs, stole, broke into houses, cars, etc. Did whatever we wanted to for the most part – including all the bands we played in. People even hated us back then.”

By the mid to late 1980s, Allin was addicted to heroin and alcohol and general abused any intoxicants provided to him, sometimes taking pills without even asking what they were. He was poorly groomed and rarely cleaned himself. At this point, Allin also began eating laxatives before performances – as defecation was becoming a regular stage act. Allin described himself as “the last true rock and roller.” By this, he meant that rock and roll music itself had started as an embodiment of danger, anti-authoritarianism, rebelliousness but had become largely taken over by corporations and business concerns. Allin’s music and performances were thus meant to return rock and roll to what he saw as its roots, reclaiming it from the corporate system.

By this point, Allin’s performances, which often resulted in considerable damage to venues and sound equipment, were regularly stopped after only a few songs by police or venue owners. Allin was charged with assault and battery or indecent exposure a number of times. His constant touring was only stopped by jail time or by long hospital stays for broken bones, blood poisoning, and other physical trauma.

Another attraction to Allin performances was his continual threats of suicide. In 1988, Allin wrote to Maximum RocknRoll stating that he would commit suicide on stage on Halloween 1989. However, he was in jail when that day came. He continued his threat each following year but ended up imprisoned each following Halloween. When asked why he does not follow through with his threats, or sometimes his on-stage defecations, Allin stated, “With GG, you don’t get what you expect—you get what you deserve.” He also stated that suicide should only be done when one had reached their peak, meeting the afterlife at their strongest point and not at their weakest.

Despite threats of an onstage suicide, Allin died of an accidental heroin overdose in New York City on June 28, 1993, in the Manhattan apartment of John Handley Hurt and Dwanna Yount only six days after leaving prison (and three days after attending the premire of the documentary [of his life] Hated, whose director gives an account of Allin’s attendance in Bizarre magazine). He was found lying in his apartment on the night of the 29th but he actually died overnight in his sleep on the 28th. He was 36 years old. His last show was at a small club called The Gas Station in New York City. Video footage of the soundcheck, concert, and aftermath is appended to the DVD release of Hated. In his last show the power went out during the second song, after which he trashed the venue and walked the streets of New York naked and covered in blood and feces, surrounded by fans whom he openly embraced. On VH1’s Freakiest Concert Moments, Allin’s final show ranked at number four.

After arriving at his friends’ apartment, some party-goers posed for photos with Allin, not knowing that he was already dead. The next morning, some noticed that Allin still lay motionless in the same place where they had left him, and called for an ambulance. Allin was pronounced dead at the scene.

At his funeral, Allin’s bloated, discolored corpse was dressed in his black leather jacket and trademark jock strap. He had a bottle of Jim Beam beside him in his casket, per his wishes (openly stated in his self-penned acoustic country ballad, “When I Die”). As part of his brother’s request, the mortician was instructed not to wash the corpse (which smelled strongly of feces), or apply any makeup. The funeral became a wild party. Friends posed with the corpse, placing drugs and whiskey into its mouth. As the funeral ended, his brother put a pair of headphones on Allin. The headphones were plugged into a portable cassette player, in which was loaded a copy of The Suicide Sessions. The video of his funeral is widely available for purchase, and is an extra feature on the Hated DVD and some bootleg VHS tapes.

Now wasn’t that just lovely? Just imagine Thanksgiving dinner at the Allin house.

Anyway, with this in mind, I now present the semi-legendary eposide of Jerry Springer featuring GG Allin as his main guest.